Social Issue: Bringing Up Children In The Ghetto

Why are our children dying? What are we doing as parents to save them? Well, here is my story. I grew up in the Ghetto on the West Side of Chicago, IL. I had to leave the Ghetto. I was an ambitious person that finished high school, trade school and then was off to a 4 year University in pursuit of a career as a Special Education Teacher. I had high hopes and dreams... The year was 1976 and I met this nice guy (or so I thought). He was handsome, suave and debonair. I immediately fell head over heels for him. He was a sophomore and I a freshman. To make a long story short I got caught up and became pregnant. I was so disappointed with myself, but back then abortion was out of the question for me. I broke the news to my parents and the rest is history. They were disappointed as well, but very supportive. I worked the summer of 1977 as a Clerk-Typist, saved up my cash and bought all the essentials for my child to be (back in those days you could only work up until 6 months so I left my job at 51/2 months). After leaving my job I had no health insurance, so I had to get on Public Aid, which I really, really didn’t want to, but had no choice (the baby’s dad, oh he’s another story, another topic if you know what I mean, ha-ha.) My baby to be had all the things that were needed - diapers, blankets, clothes, etc. My friend also gave me a baby shower and I got more of the essentials. In December 1977 I had a beautiful baby girl. I was a 21 year old mother and had no clue as to how to be a mom or what to do, but I knew for sure that I had to learn fast.

Thank God I had great parents that were willing to help me raise my child. I was blessed. Of course my parents wanted me to go back to school, but I didn’t want to leave my child. In those days I wasn’t sure about child-care or taking my baby with me to the University (I did finish one-year, 2 semesters), so I dropped out. I did know that as much as I loved and trusted my parents I didn’t want to leave my child. I wanted her to know me and the struggle I endured being her mom. I decided that I would not leave her; she was my responsibility and I wanted her to grow up knowing me. I felt that when she began to grow she would have gotten me and my mom (her grandmother) confused as to who is the mom and grandma, if you can relate to that… This is something that happens often in our black community, grandparents raising their children’s children. I knew early on that I didn’t want that.

So I stayed on Public Aid for about a year and a half (this time included my pregnancy.) I received healthcare, food stamps and money (once a month, but really it was not enough). I was always an ambitious person, so this Public Aid stuff was not for me. I was determined to find work and raise my daughter on my own, without the governments’ assistance. In those days Public Aid required monthly visits and all that knowing all your business/control was not for me, (don’t get me wrong, I think the Public Aid system needs to go back to the old way and crack down on all the abuse in the system. But once again, this is another topic for another day). Back in those days jobs came a dime a dozen (not anymore, but once again another day another topic), so I landed me a full-time job as a Purchasing Clerk with full benefits. So my mom became my babysitter because I would not have trusted anyone else to take care of my only child. Life was good but raising a child without a spouse was not easy. I had my share of emotional problems with my baby’s daddy. I wasn’t proud to have a child out of wedlock. I never envisioned that for myself, but such is life in a not so perfect world, right. However, I was determined not to have another child without a husband (the way God intended it to be).

Around the mid to late 80’s drugs started to drift into the community, big time and because of that my daughter was a very sheltered child (she didn’t play outside without supervision). I worked hard and she had all the things she needed (the neighbor kids loved to play with her and all her toys). As she got older the drugs got worse. She once told me a story about one of the neighbor kids’ mom who had her take a brown paper bag to another neighbor, which we later discovered was drugs; that was the first straw. Then the building next to ours started drug trafficking, which my daughter and I witnessed. People were lined up to receive drugs like animals outside our window; that was the second straw and that made me realize it was time to figure out a plan to leave the ghetto. The final straw was when the school my daughter attended said that she was too smart and her talents would go to waste in the ghetto (such a shame). They gave me three suggestions: some UIC university academy, catholic school, or move to the suburbs. I wasn’t sure about the university and I knew I could not afford the catholic school (plus I had a problem with their beliefs), so I decided to find a part-time job, save my money and move to the suburbs. I had a full-time job as a Personnel Assistant, so I found a part-time job at a Lounge/Night Club as a Waitress working weekends to make extra money. I worked my part-time job for two years and saved enough money to move out of the ghetto for my child’s sake.

I said all that to say this… Let’s save our children. Be good and God fearing parents and take a stance as adults and parents. Do what is right for our children. Remember they didn’t ask to be born, we made that choice, but they expect to be taken care of and that is our duty as parents (yes I said its" our duty”). So mothers get out of the clubs (stop being selfish) and see what your children are doing. Stay home for their sake and don’t bring no good men home with you (keep them away, I repeat keep them away; they will only cause confusion and conflict and it’s hard to trust just any man around your children if you know what I mean). Be good parents, check your resources, ask questions and be concerned, paying attention to what your child has to say. Stop thinking being a friend is the answer because being a parent is far more important. Know the parents of the kids they associate with. Be active and take them places. Protect them and teach them about being God fearing and loving themselves. Be an active figure in their lives and get them out of harm’s way. If you have to move them out of the GHETTO do it quick, fast and in a hurry.

Sorry to say, but sometimes black people act ghetto for no reason. We are not the Ghetto; we were just born in the Ghetto. We are an oppressed people and we need to find our way. The only way to do that is to look at ourselves in the mirror and not look the other way. We need to stand up for what is right and saving our children is what is right. So my people…start looking in the mirror and adjusting it to what is happening in our world today. Ask yourself if the decisions you are making are the right ones and stop if it isn’t the right thing to do. And if you don’t know how then get some help (talk to someone you may admire), but please wake up and take care of our future, our children. We are a race that is so divided can’t you see, I know I can. Come on my black people, wake up and stay awake for the children. Take care of the one’s you have and stop having more if you can’t provide for them. Oh by the way, I finally found that good man when my daughter was 17 years old and on her way to college (she would say to me, “Mom, you need to find you someone because I am leaving and I don’t want you to be lonely”; isn’t that something?) Now she has a wonderful step-dad. So mothers, just wait until the time is right and give all you can to your children. Once you have done that then you can find love again for yourself. Keep God first and the rest will sort itself out. It worked for me, just an average sista from the Ghetto that moved to the suburbs.

Just a note, our daughter is 32 years old, has a BA, MPH and will be graduating from Medical School this June 2010. We need more of her in our black community. So wake up my black people and let’s save our race from destruction. I know it can be done because I did it. Have some faith in yourselves and the rest will fall into place with God’s help. Can I get an Amen?